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Joke of the Day

"What do you get if you cross a vampire with a snail? I don't know but it would slow him down."

"Now I have 2 accounts a friend suggested I retweet myself when I'm bored. Sounds like my sex life at the moment"

"Q. Why do Americans deep fry so much food? A. They love OIL __ "

"How can you tell if an envelope is gay? It comes in the mail."

"Remember before the smartphone when you had to take your laptop into the bathroom with you? God, it's like we were cavemen."

"What did the Muslim Sonic say? Gotta go fast."

"How do you stop a dog from barking in your front yard... Put him in the backyard"

"Why did Santa name his penis Conjunction? Because it joins Clauses."

"What do you call a man with 6,022 x 10^23 dollars? A Moleionaire"

"Saw a friend really drunk last night so I took his car keys from him. Felt good, he was so drunk I doubt he remembers who stole his car"