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Joke of the Day

"Student l: ""Did you know that ghosts are protected by the Constitution?"" Student 2: ""They are?"" Student 1: ""Sure. It's in the Bill of Frights!"""

"Lance Armstrong should be applauded for being able to ride a bike so well on drugs. I tried it once. Hit a dog and fell into the canal."

"[job interview] ""So why do you want to be a jeweler?"" ME(thinking about using that eye thing to appraise chicken nuggets): I love rubies"

"What is an umbrella doing in the shower? Practicing"

"Good thing most planes have TVs. Nothings worse than having to look out the window at Earths sacred majesty from the point of view of angels"

"A spic and a nigger are falling from the top of the empire states building. Who hits the ground first? Who cares?"

"It's ironic that most people don't understand irony"

"I wanted to tell you that wherever I am, whatever happens, I'll always think of you, and the time we spent together, as my happiest time. I'd do it all over again, if I had the choice. No regrets."

"I heard Oscar Pistorius had a hard time finding a lawyer for his murder trial... they kept saying he didn't have a leg to stand on."

"What do you call a cheating wife with a runny nose? FULL!!"