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Joke of the Day

"I heard Oscar Pistorius had a hard time finding a lawyer for his murder trial... they kept saying he didn't have a leg to stand on."

"Royal flushes aren't very common. The Queen's homes must stink."

"What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Andrew Jackson? One goes from black to white, the other goes from white to black."

"I see you as a glass half full you need me to fill you up"

"What did the psychiatrist say to the crazy naked guy wrapped in cellophane? Clearly, I can see your nuts."

"If you love something, set it free. Maybe not sharks though. Or bees. Viruses. Lots of stuff really. Look, the point is don't love anything."

"If a dog ran away every three nights and had an orange tail, what would that make it? I think it would still be a dog..."

"You know why I was mad after I had sex with the women I love? Because she woke up"

"Son: Dad how do stars die? Dad: Drugs, Usually"

"So we can send men to the moon, but we can't get a button that let's us edit a typo on a tweet after its been sent?"