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Joke of the Day
"It's ironic that most people don't understand irony"
Next Joke
"Some people are like Slinkies... They're not really good for anything, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs."
"*Skrillex, young and penniless, is working at a grocery store and shelving boxes of produce* *drops beets* Oh. Oh my god."
"Cable guy's here. I plan on yelling ""DON'T MAKE ME HIT YOU IN FRONT OF HIM!"" to my girlfriend before he leaves."
"Me: Ok, who got Oreo filling on the couch? Husband: 4: 7: Me: Well... 7: It really could have been any of us. 4: (licks couch)"
"Giving my wife a bikini wax for the first time. Should I wake her up or just let it be a surprise?"
"Why wasn't Michael Jackson healthy? Artificial colouring."
"A girl who lives hundreds of miles away texting you ""I'm drunk"" is like a lasagna texting you from Italy saying ""I'm delicious"""
"This is so embarrassing, what's your name again? - me, the first 30 times I meet everyone"
"I'm the kind of guy who stops the microwave at 1 second just to feel like a bomb defuser."