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Joke of the Day

"My uncle Fred used to say "" What you can't hear can't harm you"" *used to* He was killed by ninjas."

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"When a cop pulls you over, pull out a map and ask them for directions until they forget that they pulled you over. -me, right now"
"Wanted to make a voldemort joke but this whole subreddit nose it"
"Everyone always wonders why I call my friend Gregory, ""Y""... Everyone always wonders why I call my friend Gregory, ""Y"" ... Well, his name is Greg-or-y... so I chose ""Y."""
"How good are the showers at Auschwitz? They're to die for."
"What does a burning Mexican farm smell like? Tacos. Overheard an old man telling another guy how he lost his farm in Mexico , and how the smell reminded him of tacos."
"What a bad year... Still can't believe they changed the Instagram logo"
"What do women call men who are shorter than 5'7""? Friends"
"Me: Was this product tested on animals? Clerk: Yes. Me: [outraged] I knew it!!!! Clerk: Sir, that's a dog leash."
"A solid knife fighting strategy is to move clockwise in increasingly larger circles until you reach a safe running distance."
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