207822

Joke of the Day

"What did the terrorist say about his popular reddit post? *I didn't expect this to blow up like it did!*"

"People with egg avatars are the extras having silent conversations that no one pays attention to."

"Black monday is way better then black friday, look at the deals these people in Ferguson are getting. Stuff is free!!"

"A man waiting for a heart transplant... ... says ""I only want the heart of a dead lawyer."" ""Why?"" asks the doctor. ""I want one that's never been used."""

"*handshake* wow, soft hands! u must've never worked a day in ur life [coming off a 9 hour shift at the Vaseline factory] ""u dont know me."""

"How many psychoanalysts does it take to change a light bulb? ""How many do you think it takes?"""

"My hamster died today. He fell asleep at the wheel."

"Who is this Rorschach guy? And why does he keep making paintings of my parents fighting?"

"Hey honey, I bought some steaks. I need you to stand on this box next to me while I eat them. Because it says right here, ""Best if consumed by date on package."""

"(Mayday) PILOT: I didn't go thru 9 years of flight school to crash ME: *relieved* Thank G- P: I went through 0, so the crash will make sense"