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Joke of the Day

"Hey honey, I bought some steaks. I need you to stand on this box next to me while I eat them. Because it says right here, ""Best if consumed by date on package."""

"A day after the Blagojevich verdict and a radical stylist announces plans to build a hair salon two blocks from the courthouse. Disgraceful."

"The first rule of crossword club is (3,2,3,4,5,9,4)"

"A wolf in a river didn't know w(h)ere it was, so it how-led and an owl ""who'd"" back. The wolf replied ""What?"""

"How do you kill a vegetarian vampire? With a steak to the heart."

"I measured your Mother's resistance to being accelerated by a force. The answer was massive."

"guy A guy shows up late for work. The boss yells ""You should have been here at 8:30!"" he replies: ""Why? What happened at 8:30?"""

"Why does no one own an Xbox in Pennsylvania? Because it's always Sony in Philadelphia!"

"I'm eating this banana sideways so my husband doesn't get the wrong idea."

"Two fish are in a tank... The first fish says to the second fish, ""How do we drive this thing?"""