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Joke of the Day

"Do these sweatpants and 5 extra pounds make me look like I'm in a relationship?"

"I love corn! It's a food that always amaizes me."

"5-year-old daughter: *looks in the mirror* Can you get me something to match my cowboy boots? Me: What? 5-year-old: A horse."

"Chivalry is just the study of green onions right?"

"Doctor says: ""No sex for 6 weeks after birth."" Me: Why? Did her vagina see its shadow? Doctor: Me: Doctor: Please tell me you're not the father."

"Never understood the point of black friday Could have sworn we already gave them a whole month"

"[1st day in Senate] Me: I'm against genetic engineering Scientist: We've developed kids w/ volume knobs Me: How much funding do you need"

"What turns on mathematicians Big quantitties."

"If these walls could talk I bet it would be gibberish cause these walls are plastered."

"What is a pirates favorite letter? You think it'd be R, but his true love is the C."