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Joke of the Day

"I attached all my watches together into a belt today. It's a complete waist of time."

"What happened when the girl dressed as a spoon left the Halloween party ? No one moved. They couldn't stir without her."

"DOCTOR: ""I'm calling to notify you of your outstanding balance."" ME: ""Thanks! I do yoga."" DOCTOR:........"

"BUZZ ALDRIN:They say in space no one can hear you scream, but it's not true and the other astronauts get mad at you for the rest of the trip"

"Why are Cal Tech and MIT constantly Fighting? Because MIT blames Cal Tech for stealing their Feynman, and there will never be another man as Fine."

"Son - Dad, you wanted a boy or a girl? Dad - seriously son, i just wanted to fuck."

"My favorite Lil Wayne song is the one where he sounds like a constipated muppet trying to list off active ingredients in Children's Tylenol."

"Why don't cows ever have any money? Because the farmers milk them dry!"

"Sexual Pun Joke for Guitarists She wants the D...major. So I picked her up in a barre. Fingering was much easier that way. And yeah, the fingering was easier, but there's always strings attached."

"There's a really annoying moth in my room. It's been on my Silence of the Lambs poster for ages now."