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Joke of the Day

"Sexual Pun Joke for Guitarists She wants the D...major. So I picked her up in a barre. Fingering was much easier that way. And yeah, the fingering was easier, but there's always strings attached."

"Find out if the NSA is listening to your call by singing SWEET CAROLINE and if more than one voice responds with bum bum bum THEN YOU KNOW"

"Q: What do you call a man who inherits a dairy? A: A Dairy Heir."

"My neighbor still has his christmas lights up. Not to be out done, I won't remove my politcal yard signs until November 2012."

"What's the difference between your mother and a Mallard with a cold? One's a sick duck... I forget the rest but your mother's a whore"

"Beauty is only skin deep ...but ugly goes all the way to the bone!"

"My grandparents were vaporised in a freak accident They will be mist... :'("

"Someone asked me to Deck the Halls, so I did. Mr and Mrs Hall were a bit miffed..."

"If the fate of the world ever depended on me opening a new plastic grocery or produce bag in under a minute, we'd all be dead."

"The year is 2057. iPhone 742 is released. The screen touches you."