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Joke of the Day

"Grandpa Me: My grandpa knew the exact time, day and year he was going to die! Teacher: What an evolved soul? How'd he know? Me: The judge told him."

"What do you call somebody with no body and no nose? Nobody knows!"

"Meth, because teeth are annoying."

"What do you call a /u/LegitLizard that can't move? A /u/LegitLizard with e_reptile_ dysfunction!"

"Pretty similar... Tea is the only difference between meh and meth."

"What is French Super Mario's favorite board game? Le Ouija"

"""911, what's your emergency?"" ""Hi. Long time listener, first time caller."" ""That's really funny."" ""Thank you. Anyways, I'm being stabbed."""

"did you hear about the clumsy musician who tried gardening? he dropped the beet"

"Think before you yell at your kids. They are the ones who might have to bring you toilet paper in 20 minutes"

"Eating a solid brick of Ramen is probably the easiest way to remember I need to pay the water bill."