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Joke of the Day

"What do you call somebody with no body and no nose? Nobody knows!"

"Ted said to his friend 'can you lend me $10?' 'But I only have $8' his friend replied. That's OK you can always owe me the other $2!"

"[OC] What does a blind pessimist say? ""What glass?"""

"I'm 87% sure ""snooze button"" time is sped up and ""waiting for the microwave"" time is slowed down and this is not okay."

"Me (to a baby): Hush little baby don't say a word. Momma's gonna buy you a mocking bird Mom: like hell I'll buy that kid anything.."

"Did you hear about the Hipster that drowned in the canal? It wasn't mainstream."

"I have a midget friend... He's epileptic and makes pizzas for a living. I call him ""Little Seizures""."

"Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? It was a while ago... but I heard he's al right now"

"Me: I love you..Marry Me! Burrito: I'm a Burrito..stop drinking."

"there was a girl on tv show who was crying sayin ""i miss america"" and it was real sad until someone corected her grammar and gave her a sash"