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Joke of the Day
"Being the life of the party doesn't mean being the whore of the night."
Next Joke
"ME: *opens car door for date like a gentleman* DATE: *running and out of breath* PLEASE STOP THE CAR"
"Just walked by a senior center celebrating pride... ... It looked like they were having a gay old time"
"Me: ""I came to Twitter to be creative and express myself."" Twitter: lol, you said ""came""."
"My therapist told me today that I need to stop talking to inanimate objects, but I mean he's just a lamp so what does he really know anyway"
"I got a letter in the mail saying I was pre-approved for a Walmart Credit Card. Not sure if I should be honored or ashamed."
"A few pen jokes What's Lance Armstrong's favorite pen brand? Uniball. What's a Muslim's favorite pen? Arab Bic. What's a deaf-mute's favorite pen? Pentel."
"Programming Job I wanted to give you some C++ pointers but I wanted to make sure you got this reference."
"Where does the thick, creamy dressing go when it gets sick? The Mayo Clinic."
"What has 7 arms and sucks? Def Leppard."