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Joke of the Day

"ME: *opens car door for date like a gentleman* DATE: *running and out of breath* PLEASE STOP THE CAR"

"Help me practice my knife throwing skills. You catch."

"My wife has everything I could ever want in a woman: Low standards."

"What do you call a radio host with a broken leg? Maggie *Limpton* ~~Most people probably won't get this, but eh.~~"

"Why were the potato people upset with their leader? He was a dick-tater"

"*points w/ middle finger* ""Sure, take this road for about another mile, pull over & go ask someone else"" - Me giving directions."

"Where's the best place to hide a body in texas? Oops. Wrong subreddit!"

"If bullshit was a snowflake... I'd be in a fuckin blizzard right now"

"How is digging fence post holes like being the mayor of Toronto? It goes pretty smoothly until you start hitting the rock."

"As Newton once said, ""For every male action, there is a female over-reaction""."