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Joke of the Day

"ME: *opens car door for date like a gentleman* DATE: *running and out of breath* PLEASE STOP THE CAR"

"I didn't think it was possible to travel 10 years back in time until I got into an argument with my wife."

"Why can't you see Hippos hiding in trees? Because they're good at it."

"This Halloween, make your friends run in terror by walking into their parties as ""guy with acoustic guitar""."

"When children ask me where rain comes from, I pat their heads, shimmy up the nearest flag pole, and urinate on them."

"What is large, grey and sings great jazz songs? Elephants Gerald"

"What are a redneck's last two words before dying ? WATCH THIS !"

"Bradley Cooper looks like a guy who's playing a ""famous actor"" in a made-for-TV movie."

"Coworker: That's a stupid song Me: Your face is stupid Coworker: Way to be mature Me: YOUR FACE IS MATURE!!"

"I cringe when teens brag about taking girls to pound town because adopting a puppy together is a huge responsibility."