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Joke of the Day

"So I went to the pharmacy the other day I went in and bought a box of condoms. The cahsier asked me whether I wanted a bag? I said no thanks, she's not that ugly."

"I went to the zoo last week and there was only one dog in it. It was a shitzu."

"I couldn't figure out how to use a seatbelt But then it clicked."

"What was the philosopher's favorite toy growing up? Playdough."

"How do you catch a polar bear? Cut a hole in the ice and line the edge with peas. When the polar bear comes to take a pea, kick him in the ice hole."

"how do you piss of a frenchman? ask him what part of canada he's from"

"What do you do if you see a bloody baby running through your yard? Stop laughing and reload?"

"Life is like a box of chocolate... You never know what you are going to get, but you can be sure that 99% of it will be crap."

"I just saved a bunch of money by not paying any bills cuz I don't have a job."

"My Sergeant told us to ""fire at will""... It's kind of a shame. I liked that guy."