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Joke of the Day

"Where do baby robotic vacuums come from? The Woomba I'll show myself out."

"GF: ""Call me ASAP, it's an emergency!"" Me: ""Hi ASAP, it's an emergency!"""

"My buddy just got a supercomputer. Thing's about as big as a room. That shit Cray."

"Stephen Hawkins goes on a date.... he comes back a couple of hours later with broken glasses, grazed knees, twisted ankle. She'd stood him up."

"Who has time to monitor followers/unfollowers? I can barely keep track of my kids and I only have 1 of those. Wait. Two. I have 2 kids."

"Wife: It's time for a vacation. Me: Where do YOU want to go? Wife: Hmm... Maybe the Bahamas? Me: Great idea! And, I'LL go camping upstate!"

"Joke Who will always be the #1 ranked father and son of all time? God"

"*Giving TED talk* Me: *points at guy* sir, reach under your chair! *he does and a mousetrap snaps* Me: trust no one *audience claps*"

"When a couple breaks up never believe her story Why? Because only history is reliable."

"I named my hard drive ""dat ass"" So once a month my computer would ask if I want to back dat ass up."