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Joke of the Day

"My daughter wrote, ""I will see you every day of our lives,"" on my Mother's Day card, so I guess we've resorted to threats now."

"I went to the store today and seen this sausage begging her mom for an overly expensive purse. She then began to cry when her mother said no.. What a brat"

"""The search for the man who terrorises nudist camps with a bacon slicer goes on.... Inspector Lemuel Jones had a tip-off this morning, but hopes to be back on duty tomorrow."""

"Why can't Harry Potter tell the difference between his cooking pot and his best friend? Because they're both cauldron"

"Hey morons, when in doubt, just spell it ""theiyr're."""

"Playing 8-person smash was one of the deepest and most thought provoking experiences I've ever had... I spent the whole time trying to find myself"

"All good things must come to an end, which means shitty things last forever."

"A Jewish girl asks her father for $50 ""$40 dollars!"" he says, ""Why do you need $30?!""."

"How do you know if an introvert likes you when you're talking to them? They'll stare at your shoes instead of theirs."

"What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? A hooker can wash her crack and re-sell it."