206231

Joke of the Day

"What are the two biggest lies when working for a large corporation? ""Hello. I'm from the head office and I'm here to help you"" ""Welcome. We're glad to have you"""

"I have a job for you planting tulips.... ON DIS DICK!"

"Why does Mrs. Claus not have any kids? Because Santa only comes once a year and that's down a chimney."

"I saw my friend chopping up onions I couldn't stop crying ever since. Onions was such a good friend of mine."

"Who's the coolest guy in the hospital? *The ultrasound guy.* Who's the coolest guy in the hospital when the ultrasound guy's off? *The hip replacement guy.*"

"I dig my own Grave. Adds Inter-ior designer to Resume."

"I used to be passive aggressive but now I'm aggressively passive. Don't mess with me, idiot. I'll sit right here. I'll f*cking forgive you."

"This may be a bit messed up. If you eat one thing a lot, people tend to joke that you'll ""become it"". I used to eat vegetables. Guess what I became."

"Did you hear about Joan Rivers? When they died, they realized she was an organ donor. They used the plastic to make toys for the orphan children."

"What was Rob Bartlett's go-to line in his WackyPaki comedian routine? Take my wife, if you would be so kind."