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Joke of the Day

"Who's Irish and sleeps on your porch? Paddy O'Furniture!"

"If I have to Russian again... Soviet."

"Arabs are so rich..... They lit whole fkin hotel on fire to celebrate new year"

"What do you call a sentinel with three hands? A watchman."

"Crucifixion of Jesus was not an easy task... ... however Romans nailed it."

"If a kid refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?"

"All I did from 1984-1990 was try to shoot the laughing dog in Duck Hunt"

"I queued up for ages to get cod earlier... ...but they sold out, so I got a battered sausage instead."

"Friend (seeing my bookcases): Wow, have you read all of these books? Me: Have you? Friend: No. Me: Then yes. Yes I have."

"My Lebanese friend knocked over his dip. I had to report him for hummus-side. Edit: changed arrest to report because reasons."