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Joke of the Day

"The real reason women will never be the ones to propose... As soon as she gets on her knees, he will start unzipping his pants."

"""I just can't help myself!"" paramedic on his deathbed"

"*Adding family on Facebook* Before: Fuck bitches, smoke, drink! After: I helped an old lady cross the street."

"Have you heard of the gay Irish couple? Michael Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzmichael"

"what's that lassie? ""Bark"" Timmy's in a well? ""Bark"" and he's jerkin it? ""Bark"" he's looking at what?! ""Bark"" dude I've heard enough"

"I started carrying a knife after an attempted mugging a few years ago. Since then, my mugging attempts have been a lot more successful."

"More outlets please, anyone planning on building anything anywhere."

"In the winter you just need to find a corner... Because its 90^o degrees there..."

"What do banks and the US government have in common? They both deal with checks and balances."

"Whats the difference between Zoidburg and Snowden? both accused of treason for expressing their freedom but Zoidburg didn't get his marshmallows!"