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Joke of the Day

"My doctor told me I only have two months left to live so I shot him, judge gave me 30 years."

"If you can't figure out your location on a coordinate plane... ...Are you lost in translation?"

"I use the internet to tell me what the weather's like. How do you do that? I carry my laptop outside and if it gets wet I know it's raining!"

"Why do spiders hate Area 51? It's a no-fly zone."

"the first rule of OCD club is that there must be a second rule so we have an even number of rules"

"Trump Alien Joke Trump claimed in a recent interview that he'd fund the search for alien life forms. He said he'd start by finding and deporting the ones in the U.S."

"why can't you fool aborted fetuses? because they weren't born yesterday."

"HOBBIES INCLUDE: - Whispering dark secrets to animals - Trying to get a strawberry seed out of my teeth - Being vegan, but also eating steak"

"My angry wife left me after she said "".. eat shit and die! "" And all I said was: ""So dinner is ready?""."

"Every girl loves when a boy whispers those three special words in her ear. ""Let's go fishin'."" Merica."