20578

Joke of the Day

"I'm still waiting for the episode of Extreme Home Make Over where they demolish a hobo's cardboard box and build him a crate..."

"Please don't drink and drive. Last night I put my hand out of the car to indicate i was turning right and some moron pulled the the bottle out of my hand"

"What do you call an epileptic in a lettuce patch? A seizure salad!"

"Why don't birds ever wear underwear? Because their pecker is on their head."

"Why is Antarctica controversial? It's a polarizing topic."

"I just won $1,000,000, and I've decided to give a quarter to charity. Now I have $999,999.75."

"I was shocked to walk in on my son playing with his privates... Those toy soldiers were supposed to be his surprise birthday gift..."

"One of the best ways to disguise the sound of a fart is to do it during the 4 claps in the Friends theme song."

"Salesman: Would you like to buy a pocket calculator? Customer: No thanks. I know how many pockets I have."

"Me: Do you have any dreams? Him:...I'm running on a giant hamster wheel and a squirrel wearing a tuxedo comes... Me: ASPIRATIONS YOU IDIOT"