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Joke of the Day

"Me: Do you have any dreams? Him:...I'm running on a giant hamster wheel and a squirrel wearing a tuxedo comes... Me: ASPIRATIONS YOU IDIOT"

"Why did the punk cross the road. He was stapled to the chicken."

"The best part about Ray Lewis being on ESPN is.. I can hear a guy with six kids by four different women lecture me about commitment & dedication."

"Did you hear about the man who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink."

"Why should you never drink German beer with Chinese food? An hour later you're hungry for power."

"My boyfriend is like an iPhone 7 Just jacks off"

"If the Narwhal Bacons at Midnight... Does the Unicorn Potato at Noon?"

"""You get a Bible! You get a Bible! You get a Bible! You all get Biibbbllleess!!!! ~Poprah"

"There's a lot of speculation about the new iPhone. It's expected to have a larger screen and a better operating system. Yes, the new iPhone will be called last year's Samsung Galaxy."

"Why is Victoria Beckham not in a commercial for Old Spice'?"