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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend got her period last night while she was sleeping... In other news, I have a Japanese flag for sale now"

"Why are lawyers buried 18 feet deep when they die? Because deep down they're all actually good people."

"Why does James Bond keep telling people his real name? Worst. Spy. Ever."

"Out of 10 puns chosen at random, how many actually made people laugh? No pun in ten did."

"Your mother is so ugly, that if she were the only girl in Texas... ...the Lone Ranger would be lonely for a loooooooooooooooong time"

"You guys like jokes I hear, I got a joke for you. Women's rights...."

"I still get my 'drive-throughs' & 'drive-bys' mixed up. Which is the one where I have to take a gun?"

"A magician turns into a driveway..."

"I've lost 10 pounds! Well, I subtracted five for PMS. That Q-Tip I was holding must be at least a pound. Plus my hair was wet. Go, me!"

"Me: Why are you in such a bad mood? 5-year-old: I haven't had my coffee. Me: You've never had coffee. 5-year-old: Exactly."