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Joke of the Day

"Why couldn't the NSA whistleblower leave Russia? He was snowed in."

"So I bought the new cod game. Best fishing simulator ever."

"What's the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo? One is a little heavier and the other is a little lighter."

"What is the center of a gay apple's life? Decor."

"Saying you like a lot of meat in your taco is received differently on Twitter than it is on Facebook. I know that now."

"HR says I'm not allowed to scream ""OH GOD IT BURNS MAKE IT STOP"" when I walk through the front door at work anymore :("

"America is converting to the metric system Inch by inch"

"I can always tell which waiters are just in it to make money and which are in it for the love of grossly exaggerating how hot plates are."

"Doctors, soldiers, firefighters. These are all respected positions. But the position I respect most as a parent Is a driver's Ed instructor"

"There's nothing like shaving off your beard to remind everybody why your face needed a beard"