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Joke of the Day

"Never tell a joke to a kleptomaniac They take things literally"

"Drill Sgt didn't like me giving unlicensed chiropractic adjustments to the platoon when he told me... Get your hands off my privates!"

"I could've been a boxer, like my father. He could've been one too Source: Simon Munnery"

"The best things in life are free. Who let them out?! I PAID GOOD MONEY TO IMPRISON THEM"

"Jeb! should be called WTC 7 Never reaching the heights of his namesakes, and falling down without being hit by anything."

"I named my dog Shark to make him sound tough... For some reason, people go into a panic when he runs off on the beach."

"We should hold a reddit-wide vote on whether or not to bring back the upvote/downvote counter. But how will we count the votes?"

"Football is so cute it's like some guys are like we're gonna get you and one guys like no no no no"

"People do not know how to merge into traffic. All you do is yield, look left, close your eyes, and go."

"I asked my wife if we could have sex even though she was on her period.. ...she said she may be able to pull some strings"