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Joke of the Day

"Just changed my dating profile headline to: ""Seeking rich old men with bad hearts and no relatives"" ...crossing my fingers"

"(This one is better when spoken) Did you hear about the man with two penises? Yep. First one he named Jose. Second one he named hose B.(again, better spoken)"

"what did the kiwi statue said to the other kiwi statue? statue bro?"

"I was suddenly awoken with a blowjob this morning That's the last time I fall asleep with my mouth open on the train"

"Shades by Gucci, shirt by Dolce&Gabbana, face by Douchebag."

"Jesus fed 5000 with 5 loaves and 2 fish. I can't even satisfy myself with a family sized lasagne"

"I recently switched over to cinnamon flavored toothpaste so when I do brush my teeth, I can't tell how much my gums are bleeding."

"My buddy is doing a semester abroad. I would be perfectly content doing a broad a semester."

"A dyslexic man.. Three men go to a bar, but only two walk in. One of them is dyslexic, he walked into a bra."

"What do you call a woman that sets her bills on fire? Bernadette."