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Joke of the Day

"Cop: Lets go, boys, no meth in this house. *zoom to fish tank* Fish 1: *nods* Fish 2: [taps on pirate ship] Resume cooking, Lenny. *bubbles*"

"When it comes to returning emails, I only have two speeds: within 3 seconds or within 3 months."

"I'll get you socks and a dildo for your birthday. So if you don't like the socks, you can go fuck yourself"

"Why did the Germans bail the Greeks out? Because they took Pita on them"

"A man walks into a psychiatrist's office wearing nothing except for saran wrap... The psychiatrist looks at the man and says, ""Well... I can clearly see you're nuts."""

"Before I workout, I like to warm up with 10 sets of selfie's."

"Why is Santa's sack so big? Because he only cums once a year"

"What do you get when you cross a lion with a stone? Killed."

"Comas can really change the meaning of a sentence.. For example ""Ben is in a hurry."" ""Ben is in a coma."""

"Without Geometry Life is pointless."