2054
Joke of the Day
"I thought I really understood what I was thinking, and then I spoke."
Next Joke
"If you're nice to an animal, it loves you for life. If you're nice to a person, who the fuck knows what's gonna happen."
"12yo: Can we go to a haunted house this year? Me: What's wrong with the one we live in? 12yo: WHAT?! Me: Goodnight, son."
"Made a friend today. Well, I knocked on my window when a guy walked past my house. I'll name him Terry."
"A guy walks into a bar and orders ten shots... Poor guy, he was filled with bullets in the end of the day."
"Why was Yoda afraid of the number Seven ... ? ... because *six seven ate*"
"Honey, let's make this cactUS a cacti. What I'm saying is I want a divorce, and I'm taking the cactus with me."
"What did the fat cat go to prison for? Purrrjury"
"How many Marxists does it take to change a lightbulb? None. The lightbulb contains the seeds of its own revolution."
"[3rd date] Kate: You wanna come back to mine for coffee? Ian: Sure! Kate: Have you got any condoms? Ian: Do you not know how to make coffee?"