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Joke of the Day

"Honey, let's make this cactUS a cacti. What I'm saying is I want a divorce, and I'm taking the cactus with me."

"Politics is just show business for ugly people."

"My neighbour was rushed to hospital today after a wasp landed on his face. It didn't sting him, luckily I got it first with my shovel."

"An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman decided to have a BBQ. The Englishmen brought some meat, the Irishman brought some whiskey and the Scotsman brought some dude from Aberdeen."

"What do you call a female physicist? A physicist you sexist."

"Hey baby are you a Communist? Because i can feel an uprising in my lower class."

"Why do credit cards not work in France? They don't understand the concept of charging."

"Restrooms now have auto flushes, taps, hand dryers. But isn't it silly that you cancel all that by touching the door handle on your way out?"

"If buying new underwear is evidence of an affair, my husband has been faithful for at least nine years."

"If Tom Brady joined Nickelback... They'd become 30 cents."