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Joke of the Day

"I told my vodka about you."

"To the people who have lost one shoe on the side of the road... Are you okay? How does that even happen?"

"What's the difference between a sniper with bad eyesight and a constipated owl? One shoots but can't hit, the other hoots but can't sh..."

"Why do hockey players wear so many pads? Because they have 3 periods every game!"

"If I had to describe myself in one word... It would be, ""Unable to follow instructions."""

"Dominique Strauss-Kahn and his wife are separating after 20 years of marriage due to their busy work schedules and him being a maid raper."

"It's hard dating a snowman... His parents will never warm up to you."

"You know why it's called Black Friday? Because everything is 3/5ths the original price!"

"[i walk in with broken ribs and face bleeding] yeah but you should see the other guy! [cut to: horse just chilling in a field enjoying life]"

"Most animals don't like gore. But leeches are suckers for blood."