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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a famous book by Dickens and a woman who buys fake boobs? One is a Tale of Two Cities..."

"Measurements in China. How long is a China man?"

"I imagine one day my dearest friends will say at my funeral, ""Wow. What an idiot. Who chokes to death on orange sherbet?"""

"u have one (1) new dad. click here to accept Todd."

"Why did the emo swallow an alarm clock? So he could wake up inside."

"I look at people sometimes and think..for real? That's the sperm that won?"

"Please do not wear flip flops if your feet look like you could sweep down & snatch your dinner while it's still running through the forrest"

"Today i started stalking guys. Not for any gay reason but it's so much easier to do. Women always complain, guys don't suspect a thing."

"Executioner: Before we do this, what would you like for your last meal? ""I'll have a panda please"" [judge, under his breath] Can he do that?"

"What do the Japanese do when they have an erection? They vote."