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Joke of the Day

"Why do hockey players wear so many pads? Because they have 3 periods every game!"

"Terminator sequels are just dialogue from the first Terminator in different order."

"The biggest trick the devil ever pulled was making religion cool."

"Where should you drown a hipster? In the mainstream."

"Does anybody want this last piece of rain forest?"

"What did the hurricane say to the palm tree? Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job."

"A wannabee client asked me to find her a one bedroom apartment in Manhattan for $900/month. ...then she added ""Oh, I have a 60 pound dog, too."" I politely replied: ""I don't have a time machine."""

"Carp we hit an iceberg! What am I herring? This scampi true! Whale I squid you not Oh cod I can't die Waterboat me? You're so shellfish Fin"

"Q: How did a blind man get poke marks on his face? A: Learning to eat with a fork."

"The holidays are coming. If you do NOT want snakes please send me a notarized letter asking for NO SNAKES. Otherwise you are getting snakes."