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Joke of the Day

"There are 2 kinds of people: 1) Happy morning people 2) Cranky morning people that fantasize about killing the happy morning people"

"What do you call Peter Pan when he's barbequing? Peter Grill"

"Seeing as you guys are liking these at the moment, What's the difference between a goldfish and a goat? One mucks around in fountains."

"What's a life without units? Unmeasurable."

"How do you tell the difference between a plumber and a chemist? Ask them to pronounce unionized."

"I doubt vodka is the answer, but it's worth a shot."

"Kanye and Kim name their first child North West... ....in hopes that it will one day be the lead singer for One Direction"

"What did the idiot do to the flea in his ear? Shot it!"

"What satellite TV provider does ISIS use? Daesh Network"

"My wife has just walked out the door with the kids for good because of my addiction to horse racing. In fact, I can see them now they're all at the gate and they're off!"