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Joke of the Day

"I hate it when gross couples tell you they're trying for a baby and you have to picture them fucking for a second."

"DOCTOR: At a guess, how much alcohol do you drink in a day? ME: Hardly any D: That's excellent ME [swigs vodka] But I'm a terrible guesser"

"What do you call an avid gardener? Herb"

"Selling a dead bird Not going cheep"

"The real difference between jelly and jam. I can't jelly my dick in your butt."

"You should be able to make your GPS call you a code name. ""Bobcat, in 3.1 miles turn left"" ""Recalculating, Bobcat, you're going rogue."""

"The number 13579 walks into a bar... barman says ""sorry, can't serve you, you're too odd"""

"Why do women put on makeup and perfume? Because they're ugly and smell bad..."

"So, I asked a few former Wall Street employees how they were going to clean their record... ...""Submerse it in water"", they said. The bath-tards."

"I don't want buns of steel. I want buns of cinnamon."