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Joke of the Day

"How would America win gold medals in shooting for the Olympics? They take their prison population and school population to Rio."

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"I was pretty sure I've been dead and in hell for the past three hours until I was informed the air conditioner isn't working."
"Whats a similarity between planes and girls? they both have cockpits"
"Date: ""I don't like Taco Bell."" *Pushes her in front of a bus.*"
"(first date) Me: *hyperventilating* Him: Don't be nervous. Take a deep breath. Me: Can't. I'm wearing three pairs of Spanx."
"why wouldn't the black pencil write on the white paper? it was erase-ist"
"I hope the zombies start with people that talk to me when I'm obviously counting."
"""Get Well Soon"" is a lovely thing to write on a card for someone whose home is without a water supply."
"Why did the horse stumble? He was de-stable-ized."
"A cemetery foreman discovers that his employees cremated a body he explicitly told them to bury. ""You've made a grave mistake!"" He fumes."