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Joke of the Day

"How would America win gold medals in shooting for the Olympics? They take their prison population and school population to Rio."

"I was pretty sure I've been dead and in hell for the past three hours until I was informed the air conditioner isn't working."

"Whats a similarity between planes and girls? they both have cockpits"

"Date: ""I don't like Taco Bell."" *Pushes her in front of a bus.*"

"(first date) Me: *hyperventilating* Him: Don't be nervous. Take a deep breath. Me: Can't. I'm wearing three pairs of Spanx."

"why wouldn't the black pencil write on the white paper? it was erase-ist"

"I hope the zombies start with people that talk to me when I'm obviously counting."

"""Get Well Soon"" is a lovely thing to write on a card for someone whose home is without a water supply."

"Why did the horse stumble? He was de-stable-ized."

"A cemetery foreman discovers that his employees cremated a body he explicitly told them to bury. ""You've made a grave mistake!"" He fumes."