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Joke of the Day

"When is a product with 70% less salt a bad thing? When you're buying salt."

"[me narrating a documentary about whales] look at these useless fat rubber sea pigs"

"I accidentally jerked off to a picture of my mom this morning... I mean its really not my fault though, most babies look alike."

"Q:What did the German Police office say to his nipple. A:*You are under a vest.*"

"When my wife starts to sing I have to go out in the yard and work in the garden so the neighbors don't think domestic violence is happening."

"My favorite thing about babies is that none of them are mine."

"I spent the whole evening knotsurfing! Don't you mean netsurfing? No everyone was complaining because I tied the computer up for ages!"

"Ladies, the next time a guy has the courage to talk to you, remember he's not wearing makeup. Also, remember what you look like without it."

"[Don't let hot barrista know I'm a goose] ""Can I get you a coffee?"" Just a honk chonklate for me ""A what?"" CHOCOLATE, a hot chocolate plz."

"Where does the general keep his armies? In his sleevies."