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Joke of the Day

"Before you act, listen. Before you react, think. Before you spend, earn, Before you pray, forgive. Before you post, check for typos."

"What are nuts on a wall? NSFW Wallnuts. What are nuts on a chest? Chestnuts. What are nuts on your chin? Dick in your mouth!"

"[God wakes up] oh man i am hungover, what'd i do last night? [sees that goats have the ability to scream now] haha oh yea"

"Miss Piggy Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70? Because when she gets to 69, there's a frog in her throat"

"Anyone wanna buy any budgies? I've got two round the house going cheep!"

"Sometimes I get flustered by waitresses and I say things like ""Abso-fruit-ly!"" and they laugh like I'm so clever but we both know"

"I got voted ""Least Likely To Succeed"" by my high school class... Fuck, I hate being a teacher."

"Please help! I desperately need a joke about an Irishman."

"COP:Do u know how fast u were going ME: The posted speed limit, 495 COP: Sir that's the route number, i don't even know how I caught up to u"

"During our First Dance at our Wedding My new wife looked into my eyes and said ""Where have you been my whole life?"" I said ""SOBER"""