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Joke of the Day

"I told you to pick up a slow cooker... All I see when I look in the kitchen is a turtle wearing a chefs hat"

"What's the difference between 9/11 and a cow? You can't milk a cow for 13 years!"

"So, I friended Paul Walker on XBox. Sadly though, he's always on the dashboard."

"The Egg Race Who came in first? The over easy egg because it was really runny. How about second? The over medium egg because it was only a little runny. And last? That would be the baked egg."

"*swims up to girl in pool* so do you.. actually this is quite deep jesus *just disappears*"

"I'm really worried about this Harry Potter kid. Seems like he's definitely gonna die."

"Made a Freudian slip, with my ex-wife. I meant to say: ""Hello"" but actually said: ""You silly cow, you've ruined my life."""

"NASA : we were wrong , there ARE 9 planets in the Solar System PLUTO: I'm back, baby! NASA: because we found a new one! PLUTO: SON OF A"

"What is the difference between a prison guard and a member of Congress One interacts with felons, half of which are probably innocent of crimes, and the other works on Capitol Hill."

"Where do you send Jewish kids with ADHD? Concentration Camp"