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Joke of the Day

"Patient: Doctor if I give up wine women and song will I live longer? Doctor: Not really. It will just seem longer."

"A Chinese funeral parlor opened in my town. It's called ""Can you Bereave It"""

"""You're beautiful. No, you're beautiful! No, No, you're Beautiful. No No No. You're beautiful."" -Girls on Facebook Profile Pictures"

"What bleeds once a month in the mouth? Me, when I remember to floss once a month. Edit: account got hacked and showed something different. Sorry about that"

"Thumb sucking My missus asked me to help her stop sucking her thumb, so I drew a cock on it"

"Turtleneck pro: if you wear one while you're eating you can't get crumbs in your bra. Turtleneck con: see above."

"Even if you disagree with his politics you have to admit that for a second term president he doesn't even look pregnant."

"What do you call a black dinosaur? Tyroneosaurus-Rex."

"The punchline comes first. How can you be sure that a comedian has traveled back in time?"

"God wasn't trying to get Marry pregnant with Jesus. Turns out he was wearing a holey condom."