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Joke of the Day

"Turtleneck pro: if you wear one while you're eating you can't get crumbs in your bra. Turtleneck con: see above."

"Microwave broke and I had to cook on the stove like freaking Betty Rubble."

"A German asks for a martini... ""Dry?"" asks the barman. He replies, ""Nein, just one."""

"I like my rum like I like my women Twelve years old and mixed up with Coke."

"Jihadi math university question: Ahmed has 3 lunch boxes. He gives one to Mohammed and another to Hassan. Calculate the area it will cover after the explosion."

"Q: Why did the fly fly? A: Because the spider spied her."

"What is an alcoholic's favorite part of the chicken? The Cock Tail"

"The nice thing about being a girl is OH MY FUCKING GOD THERE'S A BAT IN THE HOUSE, HONEY, GET IT! GET IT!"

"I've even started lying about my age on the treadmill at the gym."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Amory ! Amory who ? Amory Christmas and a Happy New Year !"