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Joke of the Day

"I'm not going to intervene next time my kids start fighting, I'm just going to close the door and whoever comes out alive will be my kid"

"How did the blind girl accidentally get pregnant? As careful as she tried to be, she could never have seen him coming"

"What's the difference between Tiger Woods and Princess Diana? Tiger Woods knows how to pick a good driver."

"The rulers of the US, Russia, and China walk into a random bar in Latin America What do the locals call them? El negro, el gringo y el chino."

"I lost my party bot 2000 I'm sure it'll turn up though"

"""I really wish you'd post more 4sq checkins & tumblr links"" -no one on Twitter ever"

"A local police department was broken into tonight - reports say all the toilets were stolen. Police say they've got nothing to go on. (This joke courtesy of my dad)"

"Girl, are you Sodium Hydroxide? cause you basic."

"Did someone say ""purple""? Sorry, it must have been a pigment of my imagination!"

"The average person has sex 103 times a year and it's almost March so that means only 103 more to go."