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Joke of the Day

"If I meet you for a date and you don't look anything like your pic, you're buying drinks for me until you do."

"If you go to an animal shelter and ask for a cat, they get really upset if you play them like a guitar and scream ROCK YOU LIKE A FURRICANE."

"How do you give a redneck a circumcision? Kick his sister in the jaw"

"You can tell a lot about a person by their car.... For example, if it's in a ditch, it's a woman."

"How heavy is a hipster? One thousand instagrams"

"Charlie couldn't believe he was being allowed into the Chocolate Factory... ...his girlfriend had been dead against it for years!"

"Q:What did The Banana Say To the Vibrator? A:Why the fuck are you shaking, she's going to eat me!"

"Knock knock. Who's there? 9/11. 9/11 who? I thought you said you'd never forget."

"I wondered why the Frisbee was getting bigger, and then it hit me."

"I shouldn't have agreed to be a cowboy's target dummy for lasso throwing practice. How did I get roped into this?"