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Joke of the Day

"A local police department was broken into tonight - reports say all the toilets were stolen. Police say they've got nothing to go on. (This joke courtesy of my dad)"

"Ok doc, give it to me straight. ""It's cancer"" How bad? ""Really bad, you have 2 months."" OMG ""APRIL FOOLS!"" Whew- ""You have 2 days."""

"Hey, NSA, if you're going to read them, would it kill you to star them?"

"I'm not only the woman your Mother warned you about, I'm the one your Father highly recommended."

"What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers"

"if ur ever in a scary movie situation and find that the phone cords been cut just act like the phone still works thatll confuse the bad guy"

"What did the pirate say when his kids were about to watch their favorite cartoon? ARE YE READY KIDS?!"

"Breaking news: A man has drowned in a bowl of Cheerios. Ironically his family didn't get a chance to say goodbye."

"absolutely disgusting that we as a society are still okay with people making hats out of cowboys"

"What did Ernie say when Bert asked him if he wanted some ice cream? Sherbert. (I can't take credit for this amazing piece of comedy. Heard it from a friend, no idea if he came up with it or not.)"