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Joke of the Day

"This Xanax script says I should take one daily as needed but I'm pretty sure they meant per child so, including the dogs, that makes five."

"Japan's economy crashed in the 90s because their housing bubble was so bad, the Imperial Palace was worth all the land in California. I *wish* houses out here could still be that cheap!"

"My wife is kind to strangers, she stopped an old lady from buying evaporated milk... ..., and told her it was just an empty can."

"I vote we bring 80's music back and forget how to Dougie!!"

"Your vehicle has this magical lever That shows which direction you're turning"

"Q: How do you make any watch a stopwatch? A: Don't wind it."

"Did you know that Lorena Bobbit was originally from Russia? Her given name was Lorena Cutyourcockoff."

"I Hate Watching Romantic Movies at the Cinema I hate watching romantic movies at the cinema because I'm the only one who laughs, especially at those crying in front of me."

"Whats the difference between a watermelon and baby? One's really fun to smash with a sledge-hammer and the other is just a watermelon"

"You need to carry women in your arms; they will climb on your back by themselves."