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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between an Irish Wedding and an Irish Funeral? One less drunk."

"An old lady standing in line at a bank machine asked me to help check her balance. So I pushed her over."

"911: Whats ur emergency? ""OMG my neighbours cat is stuck on the roof-"" 911: Ma'am, this is an emergency only service- ""-of my sons mouth."""

"A girl recognised me This girl said she recognised me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore."

"Let me put on my thinking cap hmmm... all I'm coming up with is ""I'm a sentient garment my very existence is a horror kill me now""."

"Literature for the blind What did the blind man say when he picked up a cheese grater? This is the most violent story I've ever read!"

"What was the deal with that dude wearing a tie and an apron at brunch? He kept writing down everything we said, he gave me the crepes."

"The little bit of decent human being left in me finds cannibalism to be wrong... but who cares, he was delicious!"

"WRITING TIP: Every movie should start with a close-up of an alarm clock going off and a hand clumsily trying to silence it."

"Why didn't Drake head on down to South Park? He would never leave his woes behind."