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Joke of the Day

"An old lady standing in line at a bank machine asked me to help check her balance. So I pushed her over."

"My parents treat me like a god They dont believe in me"

"What do you call a cheap circumcision? A rip off."

"How to change a baby: 1. Swap it out with a Labrador pup when no one's looking"

"I ran three miles today! Finally I said, ""Lady, take your purse."""

"ladies and gentlemen this is your captain speaking... and this [copilot starts sick beatbox] is your captain rapping ALL OUT OF FUEL ALL OUT"

"Did you hear about the suspect who was released from jail after he touched grounded metal and received a static shock? He was cleared of all charges."

"Home alone tonight The fridge is making weird noises I think the beer wants out...."

"Jihadi math university question: Ahmed has 3 lunch boxes. He gives one to Mohammed and another to Hassan. Calculate the area it will cover after the explosion."

"Why do the French have so many civil wars? So they can win one every now and again. (Thanks, John Cleese! This was too good not to share.)"