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Joke of the Day

"Religion is like stuffing dollar after dollar into a broken Coke machine and having faith that some day it will work for you."

"These days my boss has been getting on my nerves. See I'm a brick layer and he is always yelling to layer the bricks faster and faster... These days everyone wants instant stratification."

"A condom is like a plunger You never know when you will need it but it's great to have just in case."

"My girlfriend uses an amazing skin moisturizer It's like taking a handy from a baby!"

"What's Mike Tyson's favorite Scarlett Johansson film? Luthy."

"Google just called, they want to put a camera on your mom... ... they heard she makes it around the block faster than their street view cars."

"FUN THING TO WRITE ON A POST CARD: ""Weather is great, having tons of fun! Are you still planning to murder your mailman?"""

"I'm confused about plants"

"I finally met Miss Right! It wasn't until we were married that I found out her first name is Always."

"A snare drum and a cymbal fall off a cliff... ba dum PSH!"