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Joke of the Day

"An evil villain is on the loose Ant-Man: Yellowjacket again? [giant kid with magnifying glass emerges] Ant-Man: You gotta be kidding me"

"Played twister with my kids and now hold the world record for saying, ""That's not your left foot"" a billion times."

"- How can you always be such a happy person? - I never argue with people. - That's impossible! - You're right! That's impossible."

"A black guy walks into a bar with a beautiful parrot on his shoulder. ""Wow,"" says the bartender. ""That is really something. Where'd you get it?"" ""Africa,"" says the parrot."

"*Hears a joke about a chocolate bar* *Snickers*"

"Can we just hold the power button down on America and see if that fixes anything?"

"It is not a middle finger It is my unicorn fist"

"What does a mathematician deal with when finished their work? The aftermath"

"I used to have a job crushing cans. It was soda pressing."

"I saw a veteran begging in the street which made me very upset But then I remembered I wasn't required to give the military quarters."