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Joke of the Day

"Played twister with my kids and now hold the world record for saying, ""That's not your left foot"" a billion times."

"I wanna join a gang so I can get in a street fight with a rival gang and intimidatingly snap my fingers to a clever song about friendship."

"I'm going to the inaugural meeting of the Dodgem Car Appreciation Society later. They're expecting a bumper crowd."

"I may be middle-class, but I'm hard. *Al dente*, you might say. **Jimmy Carr**"

"*Approaches a guy reading ""Catch Me If You Can""* I love that book. The way he just *clenches fist* catches all those freakin' cans."

"Have you ever tried sky diving without a parachute? It's a once in a lifetime experience"

"Att'n birds in my yard: the one to the LEFT of the feeder is for drinking, the one to the RIGHT is for bathing. Get it together you guys."

"My friend can talk about auto-erotic asphyxiation til he's blue in the face."

"Where's the safest place to keep a Man-eating toilet? The women's room."

"What happens to criminal photons? They get put in prism!"